The Kindness of Others...

Dave and his girls
I’m always amazed when I tell people that my love has passed away and their reaction to it. Most are in shock, other comforting. As I say, hugs are always good. 

I was in Chick- fil-A last week to pick up a salad for lunch.  The woman behind the counter was telling me how wonderful the day was and I started crying to which she came around the counter and asked what was wrong.  I told her about Dave and she just gathered me in her arms and started praying, all the while I am crying.  I’m sure we were quite a sight.  A beautiful black woman and a white woman holding on to each other as if we would disappear if we didn't. Afterwards I felt so much better and she added me to her list of people she was praying for.

I saw her again yesterday and she called me by name, again taking my hands, offering a quick prayer, soothing a broken soul.
Dave and Heather

Last weekend I met the Marchant’s, who were the couple that Dave and I were to meet for dinner for the first time the day he died.  They are a lovely couple and we clicked right off.  Talked for over 3 hours. I met them again Wednesday night and we had a lovely dinner at Ted Café Escondido.  We all went back to their motor home so Victor could show me around the rig and let me look at what I am wanting to get myself into…I’m game.  Again we talked, this time 5 hours.  Where did the time go?  They are a blessing to me.  Thanks Earlene and Victor for your love and kindness.  It means a lot to me. I will miss them when they hit the road full-time in their Motor Home.  It's the "Call of the Open Road" thing.

Filling out the paperwork to claim the benefits has be grueling. The Social Security Office unbearable, yet the people on the other end of the phone and windows have been so nice, supportive and patient.  Yet each set of papers is a horrible emotional drain.  I feel so helpless afterwards and the tears and panic come easily. 

A friend of Dave's, from the east coast, called to see how I was doing on Monday. He's still in shock.  It's friends like that, that count.  The ones who give you support after everyone else has left. They're the "Blessings" as I call them. 

It's the support from my co-workers who come into my office during the day and let me cry on their shoulder and to hug and get hugged in return.  

What do you say to the person that floats you funds so you can make your house payment because your funds have been frozen? They didn't hesitate one second to make sure I could make the payment.  Such kindness.

Dave was a kind soul and treated people as such.  The man always had a smile on his face.  The fruits of his labor are returning 10 fold. 

For those of you who did not get the pleasure of knowing him, a recording was made at his Celebration of Life event. This will give 
you a chance to get to hear and see a glimpse of the wonderful man I called my husband. I was so blessed to have him in my life.

The last picture I took of Dave
It’s now up to me to carry on his kindness…and so I shall, with pleasure.


  1. Wanted to tell you a little story that my best friend told me today. He and I don't talk as much as we used to, sadly, but we did get to catch up a little today. He lamented that he didn't call, write, or contact us about Dave's passing and offered an apology, but he admitted he didn't exactly know what to say. He had really only been around Dave once or twice: primarily at my bachelor party. Anyway, he started telling me that he's been seeing some professional help for some personal issues he's had trouble dealing with this year and one of the people he's started seeing is a fellow church member that is a life coach. He said this guy has changed his life. His wisdom, perspective, and advice are always right on the money and he has a personality that makes you feel like you've known him forever. He said the first meeting was more like reacquainting with an old friend rather than getting to know someone new. And then he said that he realized this guy reminded him of Dave. I started laughing and said that's exactly how just about everyone described him at his memorial too! He said that at my bachelor party, he instantly became "one of the guys" and we had a blast. He had that same mannerism and infectious joy that you feel like you've been friends a long time. I told him that H and I just watched the video of that a few weeks ago and he said, "oh yeah, I forgot about the camera! He did have a camera in his hand all night, didn't he? I would love to see that sometime". I thought it amazing that my buddy said the exact same thing everyone said at the memorial that had known him for years and years, all from one night. Quite a legacy that man left behind...

    1. Yes...He had that rare ability to make you feel comfortable almost immediately. I don't think Dave ever knew a stranger. One time we were shopping and this lady came up to us begging for gas money so she could get home. We both knew that she wasn't going to get gas with it, but after he gave her $20.00 and she quickly disappeared, he looked at me and said "She needed it more than me", smiled and went on shopping. That was the kind of person he was.

  2. Anonymous5/25/2014

    Very nice. Its funny how we see our society becoming so jaded and everyone not only increasingly isolated from each other, but almost indifferent or even aggressively resistant to each other. And then you interact with people like that and it reminds us that its just a perception of our culture, but not the definition of it. Maybe the jadedness is just the surface layer: a stone wall we raise around ourselves as protection, but its nice to see that in our times of need, people open their walls and the connection can still be made. Like the people at the OU printing office that just donated all that to you for the celebration. Amazing, moving, and inspirational. We can say "its good to know there are a few people out there like that', but in reality, I think the majority of Americans are like that, it just takes a little more to get them to show it! ~Jerl~

  3. We have enjoyed getting to spend time with you and look forward to meeting up with you down the road. It is always wonderful to meet like minded people, especially when you click and friendships are made. We wish the best for you as you move forward to reach your goals and will assist in anyway we can. The Celebration of Life recording was an excellent tribute to Dave. What great memories you have to carry with you!


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